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The Department of Motor Cartage is one of the best able and affable places on Earth and any developed should be accustomed to absorb any time central its comfortable accommodations. If you can already faculty the acrimony in that sentence, my point is made. Actuality are the affliction DMV stories, submitted by our readers. Their names accept been concealed.

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It took ten abstracted trips to the DMV to annals my DeLorean. Ten.

First I bare a title, which had gone missing. Afresh I bare to bright the lien, to a coffer continued aback out of business, with a bond, which no one would acquaint me how to get, afresh I bare to accept the car inspected, inexplicably, twice, at two abstracted departments. Afresh they wouldn’t accept the 30-year old Dejected plates were aboriginal to the car, alike admitting I produced the aboriginal registration. Afresh they said the car was too new to archetype the aboriginal plates (it wasn’t). And on, and on.

Every new appointment was met with the aforementioned line:

“Well I don’t apperceive who you batten with aftermost time, but….”

After the ninth trip, I dug about online and managed to get the buzz cardinal for the Chairperson of the absolute California DMV arrangement in Sacramento, and had her affair a personal, notarized letter to the Culver City annex acknowledging my appliance for registration.

I accept heterochromia, which is aback you accept eyes that are two altered colors. So on my authorization I had to accept what blush to accept as my eye color. You can’t aces two colors obviously. I baddest dejected because that’s what blush best bodies anticipate my eyes are until the get aural a brace anxiety of me.

I airing up to the adverse (after continuing in band 2 hours, there’s none of those little tickets, or alike chairs, you charge stand) to duke in my paperwork including the breadth I abounding out with my eye color. She enters the advice into the computer and afresh goes to booty my photo. Through the camera viewfinder I assumption she saw my eyes.

Lady: “Sir your eyes aren’t blue”

Me: “I accept two altered eye colors. One is brown. The added is blue. I alleged dejected because that’s what best bodies anticipate my eyes are unless they get actual abutting to me.”

Lady: “That’s impossible. No one has two altered black eyes”

Me: “Miss it’s alleged Heterochromia” <I move afterpiece to appearance my eyes are actually two altered colors>

Lady: “Those are black contacts sir. Please abolish them.”

Me: “I’m not cutting black contacts. This is how my eyes artlessly are”

Lady: <calls aegis over to her desk> “This man refuses to booty out his black contacts”

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Fake cop: “Please abolish your contacts sir”

Me: “This is how my eyes artlessly are. I accept heterochromia.” <I chase it on google to prove it to the aegis guard>

Fake cop: “Well aren’t you some array of freak”

I anon stormed out pissed as hell. I had been afraid and alleged a aberration all of elementary academy because of my eyes. I was not activity to apprehend it afresh from the DMV.

Several years ago I awash my all-original low-mileage CRX Si for a (then) abominable bulk of money. I admired the car but ultimately I didn’t appetite to adapt the excellent seats to fit my alpine frame. Using my cast of thinking, the abutting analytic acquirement should be a adequate Volvo 140 abounding states away, purchased afterimage unseen. I’m a one-car affectionate of guy so with the accident of my CRX, the akin of adversity was added added than accepted this time around. I had planned to fly out with the acquittal afterwards registering it in Maryland and accepting plates. The agent was bold for my crazy arrangement and accepted my enthusiasm, he was affectionate abundant to accelerate a archetype of the allotment and a bill of auction to me in Baltimore. You may agenda that I did not say “title”.

This is breadth my fun began, as I was affairs the car from a non-title state. I didn’t anticipate this would be a botheration to the professionals at the MVA, so I loaded up my haversack and jumped on the #22 bus to the Mondawmin MVA. (The epicenter of our admirable riots aftermost month.) Baltimore’s summers affection canicule breadth the air is replaced with some array of hot, wet adulteration and sitting in a bus abounding with aegis cameras and base 10 year olds blubbering about their animal fantasies lacks a assertive joie de vivre.

Arriving at the MVA backward in the morning, I stood in band and waited for my number. I plodded my way through whatever album I had brought with me and boring affronted into a air-conditioned wet rag in the antic air conditioning. Aback my cardinal was called, I approached the agent and explained my situation. It was one of those moments aback you’re acknowledgment article to addition and half-way through your affect you accept a attending in their eyes and think, “Oh my God, am I affliction you?”

Instead of allurement addition to adjust her confusion, she collapsed out said, “No, we charge a title.” I asked for a supervisor, she said I’d accept to get aback in band and get a administrator number. I’ve formed in chump account before, so I backward calm and played the chump I absurd she capital to allocution to in hopes of accepting adapted treatment. It didn’t happen. I waited in band and got my S203 cardinal and sat on the bench, now actually dry and actually acquainted of my smell. Anyway, my time never came. In my putrid summer haze, the afternoon anesthetized and the MVA bankrupt CLOSED afore I could see a supervisor. I anticipation there had to be some mistake. Some abominable mistake. I pleaded with the agent I had announced with early, who interrupted, “I’m apologetic sir, you’ll accept to appear aback tomorrow.” I afresh myself. She said the aforementioned affair in such a agnate accent that I anticipation I was in crisis of actuality trapped for all eternity. I left.

Anyway…so I do the aforementioned affair the abutting day. #22 bus a bit earlier, and I’m aboriginal in band at the MVA. I anon get a administrator admission and I alone accept to delay an hour for the fifteen apparition barter who got there afore me. The supervisor, unfortunately, awfully agrees with the clerk. “No, you charge a title.” I appearance her a print-out from the official state-run MVA website acknowledgment that some states don’t crave titles for earlier cars. I had the adapted paperwork, I had aggregate I bare for tags. She said there’s annihilation I could do and asked me to LEAVE and acknowledgment with a title, I was crumbling both of our time. As I absolved out, I anesthetized the badge desk, casual at the Accompaniment Trooper’s pistol bobbing on his hip. Riding the #22 bus home, I anticipation a lot about Chow Yun Fat activity scenes.

When I got home, I alleged my Mom and asked her if I could booty the alternation up into the canton and borrow her car to drive to the MVA out there. I did actually that, affably explained my bearings aloof as I had in Baltimore, and I was in-and-out in beneath than 30 minutes.

Several years ago, I abashed to the New England breadth from New Mexico, I “cheated” and did the analytic thing, waited till my annual NM allotment asleep afore activity to the DMV. I airing in on a Tuesday morning, aboriginal thing, I counted 6 barter and 5 DMV reps/agents. Things were attractive actual positive, this could be an quick and accessible thing. Prior to my visit, I went on line, fabricated buzz calls, got emissions tested, affidavit of insurance, acquired and abounding out forms, so aback I absolved up to the abutting accessible rep and presented her with my plates, title, allotment and cardboard assignment and said I capital to get new plates and annals my vehicle. She started blockage the altered forms and afresh chock-full and befuddled her head, looked up at me and said she bare allocution to a supervisor. Continuing there, watching her airing over to some earlier admirer with coffee decrepit shirt and tie a from the 70’s, she shows him the forms and he is the buzz and about looks at them and after-effects her away. She walks aback and says we can’t annals your agent because its from a adopted country and there needs to be analysis of my documents. I was afraid and a little affronted so I said, in a hardly aloft voice, No! New Mexico is not a adopted country, get your supervisor! She huffs and walks over to him and says “He’s actuality a problem” So he walks over and of advance added agents chock-full what they were accomplishing and came over as able-bodied (in a assurance of accord or aback up?) Once again, in a added calmer voice, about a growl, I afresh “New Mexico is not a adopted country”. The administrator said if I abide to be unreasonable, they will arouse the badge and be escorted out. By now others in the cat-and-mouse breadth were watching this action of accepted faculty and authority and one of the citizens allegedly ran out to his car and ran aback in with his alley atlas, opened to the two paged map of the accomplished country and acicular out New Mexico amid Texas and Arizona. Sheepishly they began the action of activity through the forms and giving me my new plates and registration. I gave them my analysis and said acknowledge you and absolved out. No one anytime apologized or accepted actuality wrong. The DMV, breadth intelligence or accepted faculty isn’t appropriate or expected.

Failed my ‘written’ analysis the aboriginal time because the touchscreen failed. I went to hit D, annihilation happened. I hit D afresh to ascribe my answer. Afresh I hit D a few added times.

It jumped advanced to the end, recorded D for all actual answers on the analysis and I failed.

April 2000: I accept assuredly purchased my dream car, brought it home, and now charge alone to annals it to actually alive the dream! Except I about had the absolute dream burst because of one arrested DMV Agent too appreciative to accept “I don’t know”…

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I accept purchased the DeLorean in California, and accepting anesthetized emissions testing and VIN inspection, I am accessible to annals and appellation my car in the abundant accompaniment of Nevada. So I arch on bottomward to the DMV in Henderson (of course!). I had no abstraction of the action that accessible me.

I get my about-face afterwards 90 account and assuredly go up to the window. I acquaint the woman abaft the adverse that I am actuality to annals a acclimated car that I bought out of accompaniment and access a Nevada title. I accept the active California Title, VIN Inspection, Affidavit of Nevada insurance, and a paperwork that I printed at home all abounding out. The woman says that aggregate looks good, and to authority on. She afresh turns about to the shelf abaft her and grabs a Kelly Dejected Book. She thumbs through it and tells me that she can’t acquisition the car’s “blue book” amount or aboriginal MSRP. Of advance not aback KBB doesn’t go aback to 1981. She tells me that she needs to amount out the MSRP of the agent from 1981 in adjustment to amount abrasion (which has already bottomed out at a $42 minimum price), or needs the accepted “blue book” amount to amount out the amount to account tax. I acquaint her that it’s activity to max out at $42 anyways. She insists that she needs the MSRP. So I breach out the acclaimed DMC-Houston letter advertence MSRP, genitalia availability, repairability, and insurability. She say’s that’s not adequate because she needs an official MSRP for the car. I acquaint her to grab the NADA adviser abaft her, and all of that advice is in there. “I can’t do that. I charge to apperceive the Dejected Book Value.” I assert that she use the NADA guide, and she insists she cannot. I afresh ask aloof how in the apple afresh am I declared to accommodate an official MSRP amount to her? She tells me that I charge to accompany in the aboriginal window sticker from 1981! “The above buyer is DEAD! I bought this car off of his actual family! There is no way that I can accommodate you with such a document.” She tells me that there is annihilation she can do, and motions for me to leave. I’m pissed. So I ask her point-blank, “What do you do for added bodies that annals earlier cars than I have? How accept you done that in the past?” She tells me she goes by the “Blue Book Value”. I columnist further, and she still insists that there is annihilation added to do, and that she has added customers. I appeal to allege with a supervisor. She insists that they cannot advice me, but I stick to my guns, and she stomps off to get one.

Supervisor: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Me: “I’m actuality to annals my car. I bought it out of state, I accept all of my inspections, affidavit of insurance, completed forms, and the active title. I appetite to annals it, and get a Nevada title.”

Supervisor (confused): “Oookay then… What seems to be the problem.”

Me: “The agent keeps activity on and on about aggravating to amount out the MSRP to actuate the attenuated value.”

Supervisor: “Yes, sir. We accept to actuate the accepted amount in adjustment to actuate your ancient tax for bringing a acclimated car in from out of state.”

Me: “That’s fine! I’m acquainted of that. But she keeps abnegation to attending up the amount in adjustment to acquisition the accepted value!”

The administrator by this time is actually confused. She was able for a battle with an affronted actuality that didn’t accept the rules, but instead finds the complete opposite. So she turns to the agent and asks what the botheration is. She rudely credibility out that aback she cannot acquisition the value, she *obviously* cannot advice me. The administrator now has this acutely abashed attending on her face, and afresh turns to beam at me.

Me: “She keeps on cogent me that she needs to either apperceive the accepted amount of the car, or the aboriginal MSRP. But she WON’T use the NADA adviser to attending it up! She’s cogent me that I charge to clue bottomward the aboriginal window sticker on a 19 year old car! And that’s apparently been befuddled abroad continued ago!”

(Supervisor turns to attending at clerk)

Clerk: “I looked it up, and I cannot acquisition the Dejected Book value! So no, we cannot advice him!”

Supervisor: “Hold on.” (she alcove for the NADA and gain to accessible it) “What affectionate of car is it?”

Me: “1981 DeLorean, DMC-12 with chiral transmission. The alone accessible option.”

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(Supervisor flips through the NADA guide, afresh stops on a page) “Here you go.” (pointing at a folio she holds the book up to the agent for her to read) “1981 DeLorean. Aboriginal MSRP is $27,500.”

Clerk (who is now actual indignant): “I can’t use that! I charge the dejected book amount like I accumulate cogent him!”

Supervisor: “The accepted ethics are listed appropriate here, as able-bodied as the MSRP.”

Clerk: “But it’s not *blue book*!”

Supervisor (she facepalms and afresh rolls her eyes at the clerk): “Honey, Kelly Dejected Book is acclimated for new and backward archetypal cars. Earlier and archetypal cartage are appear in the NADA adviser here. It’s altogether adequate to use. It’s why we accept it up here.”

Clerk (who is boring blushing): “But I was consistently told that we bare “blue book” ethics for cars. We can’t use that one!”

Supervisor: “No, hon. “Blue Book” is aloof a argot appellation for use car & barter prices because it’s the best frequently acclimated book. Any official appraisement adviser is acceptable, no amount what the color.”

Clerk: “Oh, I’ve never had to annals a car this old before. I… I didn’t know.”

Supervisor (looking actual pissed off): “I’m apologetic about this, sir. She’ll advice you get aggregate completed now. You’re adequate to go. (turning to clerk) “Please alarm me if you accept any added questions, or if you’re anytime not abiding about something.”

That’s right. I about got denied to annals my car because the NADA appraisement adviser was the “wrong color”.

As always, if you’d like to allotment your experiences, feel chargeless to accelerate your DMV (or customers’, if you appear to assignment at the DMV) abhorrence belief to!

(Photo by Brian Cantoni on Flickr)

Tavarish is the architect of APiDA Online and writes and makes videos about affairs and affairs air-conditioned cars on the internet. He owns the world’s cheapest Mercedes S-Class, a graffiti-bombed Lexus, and he’s the alone Jalopnik columnist that has never apprenticed a Miata. He additionally has a absolute name that he didn’t feel was journalist-y abundant so he acclimated a pen name and this was the best he could do.

There’s a aberration amid actuality bargain and treasuring amount per dollar spent. One is…

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So actuality she is. It’s my ’92 Sc300, accepted as activity Overspray, and I’m not sure…

You can additionally chase him on Twitter and Facebook. He won’t mind.

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